Growing Up Adopted

moira carder block

Growing up with the family who chose you is a lot different than growing up with the family that gave you up. Scientific facts show that the emotional connection between the heart and soul of the mother and child start the second the baby is held by the mother. You begin to build trust, endless love, and an emotional connection with them. If you are adopted, you frankly are given up, taken away, and you miss the importance of that connection. I knew growing up that I was adopted. When I became a teenager, I became curious about my birth family. I did searches on Google and different databases to see if I could figure anything out on my own. It’s kind of an awkward conversation to have with your parents, but when I finally asked, I was told my birth parents had died in 2002.

As you hit certain parts of your life, you start to notice that you don’t look like the people around you, you don’t act like the people around you, and you feel more isolated than other kids do with their families. Teenage years are the hardest, because the years of “finding yourself” are all about finding the things inside that make you who you are. But you can’t just look at the family around you to see who you get it from. I think for me, growing up knowing that my birth parents didn’t want me makes me a little more uneasy when people leave my life or move on to bigger and better things. Being an adopted kid has instilled a fear of loss in me because I don’t always have the best self-worth that everyone else has.

Sadly, it is a proven fact that the child abuse rates in children who are adopted are significantly higher than kids who are not adopted. A lot of the time it’s because the parents have certain goals and expectations for their adopted child as they grow into a person. If a child fails to meet these expectations or turns out differently than they had planned or wanted, some adoptive parents aren’t always happy, and tend to act out in more severe ways than they would with a natural child of their own.
Adopted children may also suffer from a loss of access to important medical or genetic family histories. This makes it very difficult to live without fear of living a shorter life due to things you’re at risk for. It makes a visit to the doctor’s office awkward as well. They ask about family medical history, and you have to sit there and be reminded that you’re different from everyone else. Although adoption agencies try to gather all medical records, it is nearly impossible to get it from all of your birth family.
Growing up adopted really helps you find the person that you want to be. You don’t have to be a certain person, and you definitely don’t have to be like everyone else. I feel special knowing that I’m a different color than all the other crayons in the box. Life definitely isn’t easier this way, and I’ll always be asking questions, but I’ll always know that I have God, and He has everything happen for a reason. I’ve been blessed with an amazing brother, loyal friends, and a future that is all mine. My world may not look much different from the outside, but it’s a black and white world to me.




5 thoughts on “Growing Up Adopted

  1. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through, Moira. I know it’s been difficult and that I only know a fraction of the story, but it seems to me your maturity level is helping you flounder through all of this. As you grow older life will probably greatly improve when you can live life as you choose. Hold on to that thought. And don’t hesitate to lean on those who truly care about you. You can count me among them. We are here for you.


  2. I love your point about adopting family’s expectations for the adoptees. I think that was a huge element in my husbands adoptive family sending him away. He said he always felt that he wasn’t what they expected and they didn’t know how to deal with the reality. Thanks for the post!


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