Crouching Tiger, Hidden Genitals

adriana allen block

It was All Quiet on the Western Front, so to speak.  I went into work with a positive attitude, somehow feeling like the universe was going to be on my side today.  Unfortunately I was in for a rude awakening.  Like most workplaces (specifically in the service industry), it is quite common to have inappropriate work talk.  Now I am generally used to this type of talk, but nothing could have prepared me for the load of crap that I was in for that day.  Somehow I ended up being the only female scheduled, and  as a result my coworkers and I stumbled upon the subject of it being a woman’s responsibility to keep her vagina clean-shaven.  So of course seeing that I was the only woman in the entire restaurant, they all looked to me as the voice of all the women in the world/ the ruler of Venus, our home planet. One of my coworkers started right off the bat with: “I think it is completely disgusting when women do not shave their vagina.  I mean how am I supposed to go down on that when I have a mouth full of hair?   Also, I think that women that don’t shave are going to be naturally smelly.  This is 2015!  Why on earth are women still trying to do the sixties thing?”

girl shaving

Now when I tell you that my head spun completely around my body I mean it.

That was completely baffling.  I did not know somebody could be about as dumb as a bag of rocks still. I thought that they stopped making the male models like this; that they had worked out all of the kinks in the male brain motherboard…  Obviously I was wrong.


After he finished his spiel on how there are requirements for a woman’s body before any kind of sexual encounter, I politely turned to him and asked, “Does it hurt being as exceptionally ignorant as you are?”  In the heat of the moment I pulled out my book of insults, but quickly realized that I didn’t need any.  This person, this poor, poor man, has had to live with these thoughts his entire life.  No one has ever told him that he has absolutely no fucking right to dictate what a woman should and should not do to her private parts.  After a few seconds of eye-twitching, I soon realized that he was not the only one with this thought process: my fellow coworkers that happened to also be male had the same idea.  Instead of allowing myself to become angry, I took the time to grasp the teachable moment.  I looked on to these young men as if they were my young padawans and I gave them the biggest schoolin’ of their lives.

owen cynic

  1. If you are in a relationship with another person, you need to have this conversation before you engage in any kind of sexual activity.  Everyone has preferences.  That is understandable.  But subjecting women to the idea of changing themselves for your own personal pleasure is pretty much borderline ridiculous…  Actually it is absolutely ridiculous.
  1. It is a very well-known fact that vaginal hair is there to protect us, as is genital hair for men.  For women, we have a pH balance to uphold.  A pH balance in a woman’s body determines whether or not she’s going to have a shitty day.  And what I mean by a shitty day is that when the pH balance is off, women are more prone to bacterial infections such as vaginosis and yeast infections (which are not in any way, shape, or form lovely).  When you shave your genital area, you leave yourself exposed to the various other bacterias that are in the world.
  1. Vaginal hair is actually known to lessen your chances of obtaining certain types of STI’s, mainly ones that are contributed from skin to skin contact.

Here…  Have some reading material.

  1.  The next time you want to bitch about a woman’s body, you need to think about your mother, your sister, the women that hold a high regard in your life, and you think to yourself: would you want somebody to say that to them?

We unfortunately live in a society where the ruling of a woman’s body by men is completely normal. It’s an easy fix: we must start young.  Teach our boys that women are not their play-things. Women are the makers of us all.  Let’s start treating them as such.  Stop bullying women into altering themselves to fulfill your translation of this crappy norm.

k jlaw


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